


Four Little Words

by suitesamba



Series: Four Words [2]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M, Male Pregnancy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-14
Updated: 2012-03-14
Packaged: 2017-11-01 22:35:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,959
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/362027
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/suitesamba/pseuds/suitesamba
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harry gets a surprise diagnosis and rejects all of Severus’ suggestions.</p><p>Series inspired by  the Facebook post question:  <i>"We wake up in (jail) together.  What's the first thing you say to me—use exactly four words"</i>  Thanks to veridari for the pre-read.</p><p><b>Disclaimer:</b> Not mine.  Never were.  Never will be.  No profit is being made from this amateur work.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Four Little Words

“You can’t be serious.”

Poppy Pomfrey stood staring at Harry Potter. She looked like she wanted to scold him but whenever she opened her mouth she closed it again, shook her head as if trying to clear it, then looked down at the parchment in her hand again. 

“Oh, I’m serious Mr. Potter. You’re pregnant. You have a foetus growing inside a magical womb in your abdomen. The foetus is approximately 12 weeks old which means that on or about Boxing Day you engaged in carnal relations with the father of your child.” 

“Boxing Day.” Harry whispered the words then stared up at Poppy. His face colored. “Boxing Day?” 

Poppy nodded briskly. “Now, we’re going to have to find a specialist….”

“Specialist? No. I don’t think so. Can’t you….?”

“Me? I’m a mediwitch at a boarding school, Mr. Potter, not an obstetrician. I’m sure I could deliver a baby if pressed, but I have no idea how your baby is going to come out. After all, you don’t have a….” She trailed off, not finishing the sentence, but not blushing either. She looked perplexed. 

The blush on Harry’s face disappeared. He looked down toward where the missing part would be, if he had one. “Come out?” he muttered. He was obviously still in shock. He looked up at Poppy. “How did it get _in_ there? I don’t have a…a…”

“Vagina,” said Poppy with a sigh. “Nor ovaries, I would suspect, and thus no eggs.” She sighed again. “There is only one explanation, Mr. Potter. And it is the explanation for every previous known instance of male pregnancy as well.” 

“Go on,” said Harry. He looked like he was going to throw up. 

“Magic.” 

“Magic?” 

“Yes, magic. Magic creates the uterine environment, converts the genetic material in a single sperm into a proto-egg, selects the perfect sperm from the contributing partner to unite with the egg, then transports the fertilized egg into the magical womb.” 

“Oh.” Harry ran one hand over his stomach. It felt numb. His hand. His stomach. His brain. Numb. 

“Do you have any questions?” Poppy seemed to have gotten over her initial shock and was all businesslike again. 

“Other than how the baby is going to get out?” 

Poppy rolled her eyes. “Yes, other than that.” 

“And how it got there in the first place?” 

“Magic. I’ve already answered that one.” 

“Well, this is common, isn’t it? I’ve just somehow managed to miss a class in health studies or something, right?” 

“Common?” Poppy’s eyebrows rose until they were hidden behind the tuft of hair sticking out of her wimple. “No, Mr. Potter. Male pregnancy is not common. Not at all. I’ve read about it, of course. But really only as a curiosity. In fact, I’d say that the natural birth of quadruplets is more common than male pregnancy. You did want to be pregnant, didn’t you?” She gazed at him quite earnestly now. 

“Want to be pregnant? How could I want to be pregnant when I didn’t even know I ever _could_ be pregnant?” Harry was looking at her now in near horror. This could not be happening. He needed Severus. No. He absolutely did _not_ need Severus. He needed Hermione. He started to shake. 

Poppy was beside him in an instant. “I’m sorry, dear. Let me rephrase that question. You did want children, didn’t you?” 

“Children?” 

The voice came from behind them. Harry, who saw Severus stride into the infirmary as if he owned the place, paled again. Poppy whirled around, standing in front of Harry to shield him from the Headmaster who, she knew, could be quite volatile in his reactions. 

“I’m pregnant,” moaned Harry, looking at Severus over Poppy’s shoulder. “She just told me. I didn’t know men could get pregnant!” He stood up and tried to duck around Poppy. “Why didn’t you tell me?” 

Severus had stopped five feet away from them. He looked from Poppy to Harry then back to Poppy. Then at Harry again. Then at Poppy. 

“You can’t be serious.” 

“Oh, he’s serious alright,” said Poppy. “And pregnant. Twelve weeks. I assume the baby is yours?” 

“Twelve weeks?” Severus looked pensive. 

“Boxing Day,” said Harry and Poppy at the same time. 

Severus looked up. “Boxing Day?” He stared at Harry who had given up trying to get around Poppy and had sunk back onto the hospital cot. “Oh, it’s mine alright,” he said. “Or it would be if he were really pregnant.” 

“You aren’t listening to me, are you Severus?” asked Poppy. She walked over to Severus and gripped his upper arms. “I’ve conducted a thorough examination on Harry. He’s pregnant. The foetus is twelve weeks old. There’s a womb, an amniotic sac and, if you’d be quiet a moment so I can show you, a heartbeat.” 

She let go of Severus and returned to Harry, pushing him onto the cot so that he was lying down, his feet off the end of the student-sized bed. “Now quiet, both of you.” She pointed her wand at Harry’s abdomen and uttered a spell neither of them knew. 

A sound filled the room. A quiet, quick _whoosh whoosh whoosh._

Harry stared first at his stomach, then at Severus, then back at his stomach again. 

“This is an elaborate ruse,” said Severus. “And I do not find this humorous.” He folded his arms in front of himself and glared, but no one spoke. The _whoosh, whoosh, whoosh_ continued and Harry let his head drop backward until he was staring up at the ceiling above and behind him. 

“He can’t be pregnant,” said Severus after a moment, despite the overwhelming proof to the contrary. 

Poppy shook his head. “It’s not impossible, Severus. Just highly improbable. You’d best start dealing with it. You’re going to be a father in twenty-eight weeks.” 

_Whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh, whoosh_

“Is it a girl or a boy?” asked Severus, breaking the near silence again. 

“A girl or a boy?” asked Harry, jerking his head back up and around. He looked as if he hadn’t considered that the baby would have a gender up until this moment. 

“I haven’t checked the gender yet, Severus,” answered Poppy. “I’d rather have a healer more experienced in these things do that for you if you’d like to know.” 

“Of course we want to know,” answered Severus with a scoff at the same time that Harry said “No! I don’t want to know!” 

They glared at each other. 

“Well then, I’d best be contacting St. Mungo’s to get a reference for a specialist in male pregnancies. I doubt there’s anyone in Great Britain, actually. They may have to bring one in from the continent or Canada.” 

“Wait!” Severus grabbed Poppy’s arm as she brushed by him on her way back to her office. “What about instructions? What should he eat? What _shouldn’t_ he eat? Can he Apparate? Use the Floo? What about vitamins?” He followed her as she continued walking toward her office. “I could alter the formula of the standard nutritional potion. Alcohol is out of course, but what about caffeine?” 

“Moderation, Severus. Moderation,” answered Poppy, already exasperated. “But you should definitely abstain from penetrative sex until Harry has seen the specialist and he or she has made a recommendation.” 

“What?” Severus ground to a halt. 

“Oh, I’m sorry,” said Poppy. She looked wickedly pleased. “No penetrative sex for _Harry_. You, however, can engage in all that you’d like. It won’t hurt Harry at all. Bit of extra exercise, in fact.” 

Severus stood frozen, staring at the office door as she closed it behind her. “You mean…?”

“No catching for Harry, Severus. You might try to let him bat for a change, though.” 

Behind him, on the hospital cot across the room, Harry snorted. 

~*~

“Honoria.” 

“No. Absolutely not. That’s an awful name, Severus. It sounds like a nun.” Harry ran his hands up and down over Severus’ thighs. 

“It was my maternal grandmother’s name. She was definitely not a nun.” Severus groaned as Harry’s hands grazed his bollocks. 

“How about something a bit more modern?” Harry suggested. He blew on the tip of Severus’ cock. Severus shivered. 

“I detest modern names,” answered Severus. He pushed up as Harry’s lips planted a kiss on the side of his shaft. He tensed as the head of his cock was engulfed by Harry’s warm mouth. His own mouth opened in a soft pant. “Bessie then.” 

“Bessie?” The lovely mouth disappeared and Severus pushed up, seeking its warmth again. “Bessie is a cow’s name, Severus.” He shook his head then returned to his task, distracted by the hard cock nudging the side of his cheek. His mouth came down over the shaft, tongue working it, letting the head push against the back of his throat, swallowing around it while Severus tensed, pushed up, grabbed his head and ran his fingers through his hair. 

“Ursula.” 

Harry grabbed Severus’ bollocks and yanked them down sharply. 

“Ugh!” 

“Urshula, Shev’rus?” 

Severus grunted. Harry’s had stopped the delicious motion and suction, but his mouth was still wrapped around his cock and he had spoken around it. 

Severus pushed into the warm cavern impatiently. “Minnie?” 

“Minerva would appreciate that. I’ll mention that you suggested it while being fellated.” He glared at Severus a moment and, when Severus closed his mouth and bit down on his lips, once again devoted his attention to Severus’ cock. 

Severus managed to keep his mouth shut for the five minutes it took to bring him off. Harry gave a final suck to the head, a twisting tug to the shaft and Severus exploded in his mouth, grabbing his head and holding onto it as he pulsed. Harry continued to apply pressure and suction until he was utterly spent. 

“Desdemona,” Severus said softly as Harry, head resting on one of his thighs now, sighed. 

“I definitely hear ‘Demon’ in that name,” he said. “Can’t you pick something pretty?” 

“Lily?” 

“Still have a thing for my mum?” Harry tugged on the fine hair near Severus’ groin with his teeth. Severus yelped. 

“You’re right. Too pretty. Cletus, then.” 

“That’s it. I’m naming the baby,” said Harry. 

~*~

“I can’t do it.” 

“You can do it. It’s only five months, Severus. Others have gone years without penetrative sex. Filch, for example. I bet it’s been centuries since he’s gotten laid.” 

Severus glared at Harry. “Do not compare me to Argos Filch.” 

“Fine. I’d be happy to top.” 

Severus glared harder. “I do not bottom.” 

“Have you ever….?”

“Yes. I do not care to again. It is…painful.” 

“Madam Pomfrey can take care of those hem….”

“Do _not_ mention my personal…problems,” hissed Severus, darting his eyes around. 

“No one cares about your hemorrhoids, Severus,” whispered Harry, squeezing Severus’ arm with one hand. “It’s hardly a front-page _Prophet_ story like this pregnancy will be.” 

“Maybe not front page,” groused Severus. “But probably the _Features_ section.” 

“You know, I don’t get sex either,” said Harry as they walked toward the hospital’s Apparition point near the front entrance. 

“I still do not understand why not,” complained Severus. “Your arse is nowhere near this child. How can we possibly hurt it? Women continue having sex far into their pregnancies. And from what I understand, they enjoy it greatly.” 

“From what you understand?” Harry smiled. “Been talking to Hermione and Ron about their sex life again, Severus?” 

“Hmmph,” said Severus. He stopped at the back of the queue that had formed leading to the Apparition room. 

“It’s only five months. Think of all the baby names you can come up with for me to reject during that time.” 

Severus frowned in concentration. “Hugo.” 

“Hugo? Are you kidding?” Harry shook his head as the queue moved forward. “What kind of person would name a child Hugo?” 

_Fin_


End file.
